The dating game…
I feel like that phrase (unfairly) gets a bad reputation. I mean, when it comes to dating, on any given day, there’s winners and losers and those that play fair and those that cheat. To call dating “a game” is actually a pretty good way of putting it.
And just like every other game there’s rules that we’re supposed to follow. Some of them are easy, like, “brush your teeth before going out,” and “wear clean clothes.” But some of them seem downright impossible or just plain stupid. If you’ve ever made the mistake of googling dating advice you know that the internet is FILLED with so much ridiculousness..
(Wait. Searching for dating advice is likely how you ended up here. Nevermind. Totally not a mistake. Keep coming back. I care about you, dear stranger, and I want to help you.)
Anyways. There’s terrible advice out there, right? There’s so many stupid tips and tricks that turn dating into a stupid game that no decent person can actually win. The worst part is that this advice didn’t magically appear with the invention of the internet. We’ve been hearing the same stupid stuff our whole lives.
But the biggest problem is, if you’re reading this, you’re likely an adult. Like a GROWN-grown up with a life and responsibilities who is looking for another GROWN-grown up with a life and responsibilities.
Grown ups don’t have time for stupid games.
Stupid games only give out stupid prizes anyways.
So what are we SUPPOSED to do? Let’s take a look at some of these stupid rules and see how we can approach them like the grown folk that we are. I’m talking mostly to the guys here, but, ladies, all this applies to you too. .
I’m gonna ease into this one because, well, it’s not completely wrong. The adult translation is don’t be needy and start blowing up her phone the second you get home from your date. Validation feels good to everyone (especially if you’ve been hurt in the past) but you can’t go looking for it early on in a relationship. Call your mom, talk to a friend, or pray-just find it somewhere else.
BUT.
Don’t intentionally play with someone’s feelings for the sake of keeping to this rule. If you are feeling REAL good the day after a great date, it's perfectly acceptable to shoot a quick text to let her know. And if you’re on the receiving end of said message (and you reciprocate the sentiment), don’t just NOT respond to “make her wonder.” That’s a stupid game. Do you want this person to trust you? Women trust men who are open and honest.
Men, if you constantly delay your responses then she will think you aren’t interested. Grown women who are emotionally mature aren’t out here chasing after any man’s attention. Who has time for that? We don’t.
Of course, there’s legitimate reasons for a delayed response. Again, we’re grown ups here, with lives and responsibilities. Just be an open, honest person and don’t make her question your interest because of a lack of communication. It’s really that simple.
Ok here’s where it starts to get weird. Y’all ready?
Wait. What? I couldn’t wrap my head around this one when I read it. So you’re telling me, if a man ignores one specific woman, while talking to everyone around her, THAT will make her interested in him? I mean, it might make her wonder, like, what the heck is going on, so she's technically thinking about him. But..umm..that feels like manipulation. Yea. Definitely manipulation.
WARNING RED FLAG WARNING.
No thanks.
Go ahead and ignore a grown woman and see what happens. Spoiler alert, she’s going to ignore you too. Plain and simple. Plus, are we really going to pretend like it’s ok to “trick” someone into liking you? That opens the door to a whole different set of problems. Ew. Gross. Don’t go that route..
How about we just talk to who we want to talk to and be, ya know, normal decent humans and leave the tricks for magicians and cereal boxes.
More specifically, give her a backhanded compliment or point out a flaw
Y’all, I seriously read that multiple places. It’s giving me catty middle school girl vibes. Do you know who likes to hang out with catty middle school girls? Literally no one.
Plus, if you’ve spent time with a woman, any woman, you already know that we sorta-kinda-usually overthink things sometimes.
I had a guy tell me one time that he was attracted to women with unusual noses. That little statement resulted in me staring in the mirror for 10 minutes the next day trying to figure out if I had a weird nose or if that guy was trying to tell me that he wasn’t attracted to me. 11 years later, I still don’t know the answer.
Guys, we’re going to think about the things you say to us, good or bad. Which do y’all think is better, a genuine compliment that makes her feel special or any statement that makes her feel insecure?
This isn’t grade school. “He’s only mean to you because he likes you,” doesn’t hold up well into adulthood. That’s a stupid thing to say to a little girl anyways. No matter your age, if you like a girl, say nice things to her.
Bottom line, I think all dating advice boils down to the law of attraction. If you are a good decent person who treats people with respect and kindness, even though there might be some bumps in the road, you’ll eventually attract the same type of person. And on the other hand, if you’re using tricks or manipulation or preying on their insecurities to get a woman interested, what exactly are you attracting? A woman who plays games herself, or worse, someone who isn’t emotionally ready for a relationship.
Don’t let the world (or even well meaning friends) convince you that you have to play by stupid rules to win the dating game. Just be yourself, man. You’re too good for all that nonsense.
Now, get out there and make me and your Momma proud.
Until next time…
Love y’all and good luck,
Kelly Ann